I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
