She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
