The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
