Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize