Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
