He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
