Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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