C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
