i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
