1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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