What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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