whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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