After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
