I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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