Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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