the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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