I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
