He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
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When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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