Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Too much gin, very little bucket
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
