I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
