Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
