I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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