I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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