You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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