ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
