nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
