Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
