There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
that's an acceptable place to lick
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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