I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
