The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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