this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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