Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
