I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
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In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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