Yo dont text me then not text me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
