i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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