I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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