So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
