I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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