worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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