I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
