now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
