the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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