Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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