I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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