just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
