Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
