you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
