What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
