i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
