it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
