i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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