$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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