Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
