Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I didn't shave. On purpose
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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