I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
