I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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