Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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