Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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