Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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