dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize