ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
