And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
