you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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