my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
