i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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