Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
