You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
