Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
